March 20, 2022
Love machine
As we enter spring, new life is sprouting from the earth, trees with fresh leaves, daffodils and crocuses rise, birds sing flirtatious songs, ready to pair off. Hope is palpable. Today I shed fresh tears for my friend, Debbie Butler Spiegleman, who died just before dawn, the first day of spring. She chose to forego treatment for her incurable metatastic breast cancer and instead spent the last year loving us. She made each person feel special and loved, sharing her passion for food, music, banjos, Mexican culture, speaking truth to power. I wrote about her a few months ago. After she chose to stop treatment:
“A wondrous thing happened. She became a love machine. Yes, she was one already, but now she really is a love machine. She says the decision broke her open to receive and give love in ways that surprised her. Rather than suffering through chemo, feeling fatigued or having “chemo brain”, she is truly present on a daily basis for the stream of friends and family that come by to see her. She almost glows. We all bask in her love. I suspect the love she feels sustains her, bringing endorphins that mask any pain she might feel. We all know, and she knows, that she is dying, but the gift she brings to each of us is love and the fact we get to return that love. Each day is another chance to give and receive love. Such a lesson. For that I am grateful. May we all be so lucky.”
She lived her life without compromise and loved voraciously until the end. A few weeks ago, she said to me “I woke up in the middle of the night and realized, I AM everything I wish I was, and YOU are too”.
Here’s to Debbie, with love. Thank you for letting me see that I am everything I wish I was. Kindness to our own selves can be harder than kindness to others. Believe in your own goodness. You are everything you wish you are.
Hold your loved ones all a little tighter and love with abandon.