May 7, 2020


Today was a discouraging day.

I am feeling frustrated about the lack of leadership in our national government. To me this is about health, leadership, and values. It is not about politics. I am surprised that no-one from the US was at an international meeting about vaccines. When most states are opening up before they are ready. our leaders are not discouraging them. I am surprised that no-one as leader is shining a light on the clear danger that the conspiracy theorists, anti-science, anti-vaxxers are causing, who are discouraging people from wearing masks, telling them it is safe to gather in large groups discounting the deaths. I am saddened by the accusations thrown at health care workers by the angry doubters who are revved up by trolls and haters. These are often people who are suffering economically, and I am discouraged that most of the trillion dollars in relief is going to billionaires, huge corporations, and not the individuals who are suffering the most. We know we are on our own when the administration prevents the CDC from giving guidance based on science that may differ with what the base wants. I am heartbroken when more deaths are looked at as collateral damage with no sign of empathy or feeling.

When scientific claims are being made through You Tube or videos, we should immediately question the source. When the very discredited author of the repeatedly debunked study that said the measles vaccine causes autism is now claiming that COVID_19 is no worse than the flu, and he is being listened to, we are in trouble.We are making America weaker and more divided than ever.

At some point, this does involve politics, because our country, that we all love, is hurting and in for very rocky times. We have lost our leadership of public health and innovation. This divisiveness is dangerous. Today, I am heartbroken. I am tired and scared for my loved ones. We are on track for 100,000 deaths in a few weeks, we are still on the upward slope so it has potential to be many more. It is not like this wasn’t predicted. Tough times ahead, life will not be simple.

And yet, I try to find the light that is still there in so many people. I don’t want to discourage, but I want to tell the truth. We are learning and all over the globe very smart people are working to solve the problems we are facing. I am very glad to hear that blood thinners are being used with good results to counteract the clots that COVID-19 seems to cause. My friends also help me see the good that is there everyday. From a friend, I was gifted this story about the risks of infection strangely reassuring and it makes sense to me in what I know.

And my friend in New York City sent me video of the nightly noisemaking in thanks to the workers, still ongoing for more than a month. It made me cry that they have truly lived the pandemic. They have no doubts about it, but they do have resilience and gratitude, which I was glad to receive tonight.

Wash your hands and cover your nose.

And finally, my caveat is that this is my experience and my opinions, which are subject to change as more information is available, and not related to the organization I work for. Thanks for reading. And especially today, if I offend you, I am sad for that, but I have no apology and no argument in response.